I think it’s fair to say that when we began sharing the news of our pregnancy, the general reaction was one of surprise. People thought we were done having babies. That’s fair! For a good while, we thought we were done too. We had 4 babies fairly quickly, and along with the physical demands of caring for small children, we had some growing to do in our marriage as well.
I was wrestling with things going on in my heart, dealing with sin, and praying to be a wife who does her husband good and not harm. When we’re wading neck deep in the everyday, it is hard to see what is happening beyond our limited sight. I was just trying to fight for holiness and praying for change in me. During this time though, I also began to hope and pray for more children. I prayed that if it were God’s will, his Holy Spirit would speak to Clay and align our hearts on the matter. I determined I was not going to nag, I would do my best to not even bring it up, and trust that if it were the will of God for our family to have more children, He would make it happen.
It was while studying Francis and Lisa Chan’s You and Me Forever (a book that I think is cleverly disguised as a book about marriage but actually is an excellent primer on basic faithful Christianity), we both felt strongly that God had plans to grow our family. There was nothing even explicitly about family and children, but this was the turning point for us. You could read the book cover to cover and walk away wondering, “What part did they read that made them think they should have more kids?” There was nothing specific to our situation, but the Holy Spirit spoke to us through the Chans’ desire to trust God in all aspects of life and to live their lives for Jesus’ glory and not their own.
In January, while women marched across the continent in an effort to stand up for the right to choose death for unborn babies, I was praying that life was forming in my womb. While the ongoing nonsense about babies in the womb simply being parasitic tissue is regurgitated by progressive thinkers, while science is denied because it doesn’t fit the selfish agenda to kill the weakest and most helpless among us, I was praying for the child I hoped was being knit together in my own body. While the world was celebrating the ability to steal, kill and destroy, a new body and soul was growing within me.
I’m pregnant with my fifth baby.
Some people think it’s wonderful.
Some people think it’s crazy.
Some people don’t care either way.
Some people say encouraging things.
Some people say stupid things because they’re awkward conversationalists.
Some people say stupid things because they actually think I’m stupid for having so many kids.
At the end of the day I choose to not let people’s opinions get the best of me. I don’t expect everyone to be supportive, because I know the world I live in is broken. I know children are not valued in this culture. But we’re prayerfully raising these kids to be counter-cultural because of our high and mighty King Jesus. In a culture of death, we celebrate life. In a culture of self-fulfillment, we seek to lay our selves down. In a culture that tells me I’m not living up to my potential by being at home with all these kids, I say this is exactly where I’m meant to be. These kids are not a waste of my time, they’re what I’ve been given time for.